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All I ever wanted to be- was a hair on Brit-nee

one she couldn't shave

one she would always have to bathe

and if I couldn't be that

then I wanted to be a wart on Hillary's nose

one that grows and grows and grows and grows

until she can't see nothing - not even her toes

and if I can't be that then I want to be an elephant gnat

one so big that when I try to fly, I will crash into Pelosi’s eye

and if there is a tear of pain then I will know her tears are real and not from an onion peel

and if I can't be that then I'd like to be the lice that jumped into Oprah's rice

and if I couldn't be that I'd like to be the hair on A.O.C.’s chin

then I would grow and grow and grow

until her chin was the Rip Van Winkle of New York

and if I couldn't be that, well - well – well,

then I just signed up for a gov-ment check


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